just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
