hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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