I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
