i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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