The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
