that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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