He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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