Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
