I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
