I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
