Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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