He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
