I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
