ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
