We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize