I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
