I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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