I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You did what with his pubic hair?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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