So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
