i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
