that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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