Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
