in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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