this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
