Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
