Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
