yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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