So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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