Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
