so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
