I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
