Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
