We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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