you would pick up someone in the library
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
