I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize