I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
