I haven't been this sober since birth.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
