I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
