I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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