Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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