She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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