we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
