Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
