If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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