Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
