my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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