1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
