the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
