$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
