We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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