It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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