I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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