Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
