Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
