I need help removing her.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
