Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
