Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
