I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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