I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
