Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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