Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
