connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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