see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
