I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
