lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
