my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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