worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
