Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
