D3 body, D1 cock
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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