You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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