If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize