yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
