The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize