i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
