guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
