I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
