I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
vagina is talking i cant
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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