Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
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