i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
