Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
