where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
