your thong is hanging out like whoa
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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