Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
